Wife-saving technique for husbands

Please help yourself to some old slices of Lemon Harangue Pie while I'm on vacation. Enjoy!

Wife-saving technique for husbands
(originally posted on 02/22/2008)

We've all had basic CPR and first aid training in junior high. But here's a life-saving (or, more accurately, "wife-saving") technique they don't teach you in school.

According to a report in the Daily Mail, a 28-year-old wife and mother was awakened from a two-week coma when her husband gave her "a bloody good rollicking." When he was told by doctors that they may have to switch off his wife's life-support, he started nagging her to wake up, saying later that she "never liked getting told off."

"You start fighting, don't you dare give up on me now," he said. "I've had enough, stop mucking around and start breathing. Come back to me." She started breathing on her own just two hour later, and within five days, her ventilator was able to be shut off.

Husbands everywhere, take note. You should practice this wife-saving technique often. Don't wait until your lovely bride is at death's door. Start practicing today. Sure, she may not understand. She may even get angry. Just explain that you're only thinking of her, and that your harsh words and brusque tone are for her own good.

(By the way, wives, this technique will not work on husbands. For all husbands, comatose or not, the sense of hearing is the first sense to go.)