No Smiling Allowed in the DMV

I didn't know this was actually a concern, but the Virginia DMV is cracking down on smiling:

Few places in Virginia are as draining to the soul and as numbing to the buttocks as the branch offices of the Department of Motor Vehicles. And yet, until recently, smiling was still permitted there.

No more. As part of the DMV's effort to develop super-secure driver's licenses and foolproof identification cards, the agency has issued a smile ban, directing customers to adopt a "neutral expression" in their portraits, thereby extinguishing whatever happiness comes with finally hearing one's number called.

The driver's license photo, it seems, is destined to look like a mug shot.

DMV officials say the smile ban is for a good cause. The agency would like to develop a facial recognition system that could compare customers' photographs over time to prevent fraud and identity theft. "The technology works best when the images are similar," said DMV spokeswoman Pam Goheen. "To prepare for the possibility of future security enhancements, we're asking customers to maintain a neutral expression."

I suppose it makes sense for driver's license photos to look more like mug shots. The government treats us all like potential criminals anyway.

Bazooka Joe the Movie?

You know Hollywood has officially hit bottom when this...

...is considered to be a great idea for a movie.

"Good Times" with the Bordens

From the back cover:

"GOOD TIMES...with a variety of good music (from Polkas & Waltzes to Rock & Roll) have been the key to the success of the "BORDENS", a versatile family dance band, who have played in various parts of the country including Thunder Bay, Ont., Edmonton, Alta., and are now living and playing in the Northwestern Ontariou community of Dryden, Ont.

The band consists of George (accordion), wife Jeanette (Electrovox organ), son Roger showing his versatility on saxophone, guitar, and vocals, and son Gary (age 12), a talented young drummer. A nephew, Bill Dombradi on guitar, has been added to the group for this recording."

And now, without further ado, here are the Bordens performing the theme from Star Wars!



(Found here.)

Now THAT'S a Knife!

Here's a "pocket" knife that would make Crocodile Dundee shake in his boots, and it would have to be carried by the entire Swiss Army:

Designed by Hans Meister, this elaborate piece of cutlery has a total of 314 blades and is part of an exhibition in celebration of the 125th anniversary of Swiss knife manufacturer Victorinox.

Cool stuff!

Handwashing for Dummies

Handwashing can be overwhelmingly complicated, which is why we need experts like the good folks at the Wall Street Journal to instruct idiots like us on the proper procedure:

Wow! She makes it look so easy!

Once I have this mastered, I might have to look into this "bathing" thing I've been hearing about.

One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Just when you thought there couldn't be more of an overreaction to the so-called "swine flu," along comes this report from Reuters:

Afghanistan's only known pig has been locked in a room, away from visitors to Kabul zoo where it normally grazes beside deer and goats, because people are worried it could infect them with the virus popularly known as swine flu.

The pig is a curiosity in Muslim Afghanistan, where pork and pig products are illegal because they are considered irreligious, and has been in quarantine since Sunday after visitors expressed alarm it could spread the new flu strain.

"For now the pig is under quarantine, we built it a room because of swine influenza," Aziz Gul Saqib, director of Kabul Zoo, told Reuters. "We've done this because people are worried about getting the flu."

As far as hysteria goes, I think this actually tops Egypt's policy of swineocide.

Trekkies Hate the New Star Trek Movie

Squirrel Roundup (May 4, 2009)

LOTS of squirrel stories in the news this week...

Biological warfare
Plague has been found in the squirrel population at a popular camping site on Palomar Mountain in northern San Diego County. (More...)

Another terrorist attack
This time a squirrel took out an entire substation, shutting off electrical power to over 7,600 people. (More...)

Miscarriage of justice
A man is ticketed for shooting a squirrel with a pellet gun. He should have been given a medal. (More...)

A different kind of squirrel shooting
With a video camera. Is there nothing people won't put on YouTube? (More...)

On the other hand...
Shooting a video of a squirrel can pay off. Two sisters in Wisconsin just won $10,000 from America's Funniest Home Videos. (More...)

Mutant squirrels
The ongoing war between red and gray squirrels in Britain has been enjoined by a mutant "super" squirrel. (More...)

Good eats!
Don't worry. If you live in California and want a little variety in your diet, you can hunt both gray and fox squirrels. (More...)

Speaking of hunting...
East Texas is one of the best places in the country to hunt squirrels. (More...)

Strictly for the birds
With these few simple tips, you can make your bird feeders more bird-friendly by repelling those nasty tree rats. (More...)

Feeding squirrels is fun...
...if they don't bite. (More...)

Magical albino squirrels?
No, they're not magical. In fact, they're not even albino. (More...)

Ungrateful rodent
A Michigan teacher was attacked by an irate squirrel when she tried to help one of its young. (More...)