Why Men Are Just Happier People

This has been circulating around the internet a fair amount already, and I don't know the original authorship, but I find it amusing.

Why Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays
put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never
be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can
wear NO shirt to a water park Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas
station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to
stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more
pay. Wrinkles add character. Graying hair adds attraction. Wedding
dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100. People never stare at your chest when
you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is
practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your
feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30
seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your
own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still
be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs
of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems
in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle
lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and
neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides
your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all
seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can
"do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice
concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25
relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier. Send this to the women who can handle it
and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

The strike-through line on the last sentence is my own addition. One thing that makes men unhappy is chain-mail.